As those of you who have read all my posts may have guessed, I've experienced quite a bit of loss in my life.
The first significant loss I remember was the death of my Stepfather when I was 7-years-old. He was a good guy. My Mom had known him for years and he absolutely adored her and had been asking her to marry him for most of those years. She finally agreed. For a Stepparent, he was good to me. His plan was to adopt me not only because he adored me almost as much as he adored my Mother, but also so I would be eligible for all the benefits afforded to family members of those who worked for his employer--he was a sailor with one of the companies that had the big boats on the Great Lakes. My "real" Father did not oppose my Stepfather adopting me as he knew the benefits were significant and worth it and my Mother and Stepfather made it clear my real Dad would always be my Dad and would always be in my life--I would essentially have two Dads. Unfortunately, my Stepfather's life came to an end a mere 18 months after my Mom had married him before the adoption could be finalized--he had a massive heart attack on the boat on which he worked that was believed to have killed him on-the-spot (he was found dead in his quarters). He was only 38-years-old.
Shortly after my Stepfather's death, I had a strange experience that may or may not have been his ghost. My older cousins were watching and hanging out with me for the day--it was just us "kids". I don't remember what our parents were doing. A short time into the day, while roaming the neighborhood, we all started hearing someone calling my name as clear as day as if the person were right there with us. The voice was somewhat soft and distant sounding (best described as having a "haunting" quality), but still very clear and audible at a "normal" volume, and just kept saying, "Annie...Annie". It gave all of us the chills. None of us were ventriloquists or anything strange like that. When the voice continued to call my name pretty much constantly throughout the day, no matter where we were in the neighborhood, including once night came and we all went indoors, we started getting fairly freaked out. The voice was still as clear as day and sounded like it was coming from inside the home--we searched every nook and possible hiding spot in the entire home and found no one besides ourselves. The voice quieted for a'while and I was the first to fall asleep and my cousins swore that after I fell asleep they started hearing foot steps outside the home--they separated so that one of them could check the steps outside leading up to each of the outside entrances and, even while the sound of footsteps continued, none of them could see anyone or anything outside. The strange occurrences came to a quick halt after that, to never occur again, but stuck with all of us for many years.
After my Stepfather, I experienced my Grandfather's (the last of my Grandparents as the rest had passed away before I was born) death from a heart attack when I was 11-years-old. My Father passed away from lung cancer when I was 15-years-old. My best friend passed away when I was 21-years-old--her death was related to a longstanding and ongoing addiction to crack cocaine. My first cousin, Andy, passed away when I was 34-years-old and he was only 38-years-old from complications related to leukemia--he was the first of my generation to pass away. In 2010, when I was 38-years-old, my family had a horrible year as far as deaths with my Mother passing away March 3rd from lung cancer; a Stepnephew dying April 4th officially from hypothermia after the small boat he was on was caught in a storm that came suddenly and unexpectedly on that unusually warm April day; my Brother leaving us July 10th related to a heart attack a few days prior that caused loss of brain function and a subsequent decision to remove him from life support; and an Uncle passing away December 23rd also from a heart attack. There were some strange occurrences with some of these deaths, but aside from my Mother, which I'll discuss momentarily, nothing significant enough to make me think it was anything more than coincidence, like a shadow seen out of the corner of my eye, a strange and/or vivid dream, and that type of thing.
Regarding my Mother, I already mentioned an event that occurred on my birthday in 2012 in the Letter to my Beloved Mother. My daughter also experienced an event in January 2011 that she said was a dream, but pointed out when she told me the story, that it seemed real and she felt like she was really only half-asleep. She had a "dream" that my Mom came to her room (through the wall, not the regular entrance), was wearing a white night gown with flowers on it (she was wearing a hospital gown when she passed away), went & stood by the piano music box (that my Mom said she wanted my daughter to have when she died), smiled, said "Boo!" in a joking way, laughed, smiled again, and waved...that's when my daughter woke up and was looking at the piano when she opened her eyes. For some reason, even though it scared my daughter at the time, it brought me comfort...I like the thought that my Mom went to visit her and is watching over her...I want to believe there was some realness to that dream. By the way, the "Boo" thing is something my Mom would totally do...anyone that knew her and her sense of humor would agree. She would've never wanted to frighten her favorite grandchild, so would've "haunted" her exactly as my daughter described.
In addition to close family members, there were a couple strange experiences in a home in which my husband and I resided. First, there was the night my husband swore he saw a female figure in white dragging herself across the kitchen floor. On a separate night when I was the only one awake, I saw a male figure dressed in all black go from a back bedroom into the bathroom--I thought it was my husband until the figure never came out of the bathroom and I went to investigate only to find my husband sound asleep and wearing only his underwear. I woke him to ask if he'd gone to the bathroom a few minutes prior, to which he firmly responded he had not, had been sound asleep, and acted as if I was crazy for asking.This was not one of those "I thought I saw out of the corner of my eye" events--I was looking directly head on in that direction after hearing a noise which, at the time, I assumed was the sound of him getting up to go to the bathroom. Another incident that I alone experienced early one morning when everyone else was still asleep was a low and deep male voice mumbling something--it was at a normal volume and I've never doubted what I heard--I nearly jumped out of my skin and immediately got the chills when it happened. A few months after these occurrences, the body of a woman was found 50 feet directly behind the home in a wooded area--foul play was most definitely suspected as the woman was wearing only a (white) t-shirt and underwear with a pair of jeans placed neatly underneath her, but the crime was never officially solved due to the decomposed state of the body. The woman was found in March of 2001 and had gone missing six months prior in September of 2000, about a month before we moved into the home--she had lived a few blocks from where she was found, which was the closest wooded area to her home.
I am not one of those that believes anything and everything without question--I usually need some kind of proof. I don't believe in aliens or Big Foot and have even had my questions regarding God. But I have experienced some things that have made me wonder what happens after we pass away from this world. Were these ghosts? Were they perhaps dreams or unexplained hallucinations (related to being tired and/or delirious)? In the case of the voice calling my name, which several of us heard, was it a practical joke of some sort--for which the culprit opted not to reveal their identity (ever)? I don't know the answers to these questions--I only know that these things happened, that it felt very strange when they happened, and that they cannot be explained.
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